2017

Dear Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  There are some years in your life that prove more transformative than others.  Through pain and struggle this year, Sarah and I (Randy) can say that we are a deeper, happier and more peaceful people than we have ever been before.  Many have noticed and are asking what happened (and how to get there!).

Our struggle this year was brought about by a “perfect storm” of the (somewhat last-minute) decision to homeschool our 5 children, difficult business transitions and unprecedented Larson Family dynamics.  Suffice it to say, the result caused a simultaneous brokenness in both of us in Summer/Fall 2016 that led me to schedule a Psychiatry appointment for August 11, 2016 to treat my anxiety and Sarah to fall into a depression.  

With 5 relocations, 5 degrees and 5 children all in the last 10 years, Sarah and I have learned to persevere in the midst of difficulty.  But this time was different.  Something broke in both of us that has never broken before.  We were no longer “on our knees” or even “drowning,” but instead felt as though we were merely floating lifeless on the top of the water.  The only message I could decipher from God was, “Randy, stay in it and stay soft.”  This season climaxed in December 2016 with my ACL surgery.  Great, now I cannot even get out of bed!  

The first glimmer of hope came in the form of a question during my daily Bible reading and prayer time December of last year.  I was reading Psalm 23 (“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…”) when a thought, completely unprovoked, popped into my head: “Am I enough?”  It was as if I had been chewing on this question for years in my subconscious.  Perhaps it is what has driven me professionally and academically all these years.  But I knew that I was not comfortable with the answer.  

After I worked up the courage to actually write the question in the margin next to the Psalm, I felt like I could begin an authentic search for the answer.  It came quickly.  While I was flat on my back professionally and physically (after surgery), I felt like I had nothing to offer people or God.  All I could do is lay there….and yet, I began to hear from God, my wife and my friends of the unconditional love they had for me even while I could do nothing for them.  This struck a cord.  I stopped asking why they loved me and just started to believe them.  This changed everything.  As New York Pastor Tim Keller says, 

To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.

There is the answer.  Love.  Unconditional, no strings attached, unselfish love.  I have heard about it all my life and have had dozens (hundreds?) of experiences of this love.  But the depth of the suffering that came from this season of feeling misunderstood, hurt, confused, angry, falsely accused and manipulated resulted in a transformed life where I have learned to live consistently in this love. 

I now stand with the Apostle Paul and say, 

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:11-13. 

I have never been more excited to “Go Tell It On The Mountain” this year and have enjoyed talking with people who have gone through or are in similar situations.  Sarah even shared on Easter Sunday in front of our entire church and I preached a sermon in July 2017 about our lives.   

In this Season of Joy, I hope you are encouraged that even (and sometimes *only through*) suffering, transformation can occur.   I pray redemption of every tear in 2017 so you can one day say, “It was all worth it.”  If none of this made sense, then I hope you at least enjoyed the picture of my chubby 2 year-old on the beach!

We love you all,

Randy and Sarah (and kids)